This is the Day

There’s this song I discovered a couple years back watching a movie with my step daughter... In the song, sung by THE THE, yes THE THE is a real group, that had this kinda magical one hit wonder... the lyrics sing “ this is the day your life will surely change, this is the day when things fall into place”... 

This song came to me at a relatively unusual time in my life last year, cause I got really sick for a while... And I wound up in strange solitude watch this movie called Everyday. It originally came out in 2018, but for whatever reason I watched it the following year. The movie is quite interesting, proving the boundaries of love are colorless, genderless, because it’s about a spirit that travels from body to body each day of it’s life... The Spirit changes to a new body when the one it’s in goes to sleep, and it awakens in a new body. During the spirits journey it meets a girl, in repeated situations, as the spirit never travels far, and seems to drawn to younger hosts... The girl is the focal point of the spirits thoughts and feelings, and they develop a relationship, never knowing who the spirit will be one with. 

I love this film, but I also love this song... she connects with the spirit as he dances with the girl to this song, forming one of their first real connective moments... 

When I play this song in my car, on any given day, I think about days that I had no idea would be days that my life would surely change... I mean I can look back on days, and say... yes... that was the day my life changed, and I had no idea... other times I did know but I may not have realized it was falling into place. 

I think most of my life I have felt quite the opposite... hard times, challenging times, they are times when I felt like NOTHING was in place.. that in fact everything was falling apart. 

LIttle did I realize, they were falling apart so the pieces falling down could fall back into place for me... So things were falling into place, I just had no idea... 

At the time I guess I felt like my health was falling apart, but I think my body was really just trying to say, you need rest, you need time, you need to regroup... And that DID more or less happen... I started to have all these grand ideas and feelings. I realized I needed to get back into painting regularly, so I did that December, I made a real goal for myself, and so far I am getting there... so slowly but each night, even if for an hour, I work on something creatively... it’s not easy... Most nights I literally want to just watch TV, each cheese and pass out... 

But I also have depression, so when I get sick, or I am isolated for lengthy periods of time, the depression can spike.. not always I have managed it well, but when I sick for a long time, it’s retched. So it can be a real challenge to lift myself out of it... Not always but sometimes... I start to have these weird feelings of self loathing... disappointment in myself and it stinks... I hate it when it happens, but I do my best to just be aware of that moment, that feeling, why it’s happening... and just acknowledge it’s not all my doing... that I know I don’t want those feelings.

Something that is happening now is a new kinda world I am living in... One where yet again I feel so isolated, not cause I am sick, but because of something I could not choose... 

And I can remember the day in May when it all changed... schools closed I started staying home to care for Ben, and because I had no idea when this new virus meant to how serious it truly was, so we stayed home... So I know this feeling... my life surely changed... everyone’s did, and believe it or not, things are falling into place... we just can’t see it cause right now it feels like everything is falling down, and it might just be, so we can rebuilt it better... 

I don’t know who needed to hear this today, but all those pieces you cannot control, they are just falling together. They are falling into place. 

I’ve not edited this, just wanted to get this out there...